My Inner Packrat

I am a packrat. My closet is full of boxes that I almost never open. Important things like yearbooks, gifts from my friends and family, trinkits I come across in clearance aisles all over Houston area stores, basically stuff that serves no purpose except sentimental value. And I’m always looking for more space on the bookshelf or under my bed to store all the little things I collect. There’s nothing wrong with holding onto these things but every few years I pull out a box or two and throw away things from a past life that no longer mean anything to me. Nothing important like my diploma or anything but maybe that ticket stub to a high school play that I went to with some friends that can no longer be read because the ink has all faded or one of the zillion little things I buy when I go on road trips. The thing about me being a packrat is that sometimes I feel that way when I’m asking God to help me through sin. Its like I ask God to forgive me and take this pride, lust, anger, etc. but I keep a little tucked away in my head because you never know, I may need it later on. And its that little piece that I hold onto that grows into something bigger that I end up repenting about later. But its still there. That part of me that wants to hold onto my old life and pretend I have some sort of control over who I become. Its that little things that keeps killing me inside. Over and over I’ve asked, “God please take it! Please take anything in me that isn’t for you.” But part of me still holds on. Its that part of me that I need out. Its these little parts inside of us all that we need to let go of. That part that wants to live in both worlds. That part that has a plan to repent after its all is said and done. That part of me is what I’m letting go of. Goodbye inner packrat. Now if I can just find a little more shelf space for these HM back issues…

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