Oftentimes what I want to write and what I need to write are two very different things. And sometimes what I want and what I need like to swap places. Some time ago I started writing a story about growing up. I was writing character bios for something very different when a stray thought took to seed like no other idea I had ever had. It consumed me nightly as I sat on the floor of my bedroom with my notebook a pot of hot tea. I was throwing all of myself into the story and characters. Years of thoughts, ideas, and conclusions I have come to about my own life were built up and I needed to get it out of me.
As I was writing this story I also began refining my writing habits. No longer was I holding out for inspiration to hit to begin something. I set a schedule and I worked. And it worked. I was far more productive than I had ever been before and as a result of that more stories were coming. Eventually I had several somethings in various stages of the process. Stories that I would love to tell and share with whoever was willing to give them a chance. And that first story remained through it all. As it seemed to get closer and closer to an end it also grew beyond what I had originally planned finding even more areas of my life to draw inspiration from. It is what makes this story unique to everything else I want to write in the future. And because of this I know that if I ever do make a career out of these stories it cannot be the first thing to be published. It would have to be third at best but not because I don’t think it isn’t a story worth sharing. I once heard the comedian T.J. Miller talk about his career where the first chance he got to record an album he chose to release a strange sort of conceptual rap project because it was funny and fit with his particular brand of humor. But this wasn’t his stage act and as he was gaining popularity through his live shows and TV specials he realized that the only form of his act that people could purchase was this funny experiment he made which was confusing to new fans at best. He loved the project but regretted that it was the first thing he released. Now, I’m not banking on a career in writing fiction but if does happen to be in the works then I want my first published work be something that reflects my intentions. I’ve posted my work online before with poetry and blog posts and that’s what I aim to do again with this story. It is incomplete and I often get stuck on the tiniest of details which is why I’m going to start releasing it here. I do not like to know that people are reading my stuff and I absolutely abhor criticism but both are necessary. So, periodically I will be putting up what I have here on this site. Sometimes it may be a whole chapter or maybe it will be just a few paragraphs. I may have pieces that are just dialogue and others that don’t have any at all. I may even just post a completely rewritten section. This is a work in progress and now I’ve decided to make that progress public. Who knows, maybe it’ll help me out those terrifying times when I am stuck looking at that flashing cursor on the screen. I hope you enjoy and, even though I’ll probably look incredibly nervous whenever you mention it, I really appreciate you giving me your time.